“I am the bone of my sword…”
There is unique beauty to the way stories can reach into the hidden places of our hearts and stir that which has been long dead. Dreams revived, pain explored, possibilities pondered, and questions raised that scratch at the soul’s tender skin.
It is one such story that has been processing me this past week. Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works may be just another anime to some, but for me it’s much more than that. It has been a catalyst of identity building upon a hundred other events and stories that have come and gone.
Who am I? What am I? What is it that I am living for/dying for in this time that I’ve been given?
At one point, I kinda thought I knew. But then I found myself wandering a dark forest, unsure that I could ever be more than a nomad on the road to nowhere.
“Steel is my body…”
I once knew my strength and vigor. I once stood for others, but there was always an element of self -degradation that sat in the shadows waiting to sabotage and to take advantage of every tired moment. Striking out with doubt and words of hatred and lies of worthlessness; ripping away at my self-esteem. And I didn’t fight back because when the shadow told me that I deserved it, I believed it true.
What do I want? I want to change the world. I was want to cause darkness to flee at the sight of my sword and the light breaching out from my soul; to be a Paladin in this world of ghosts and goblins. I long to stand as a man of strength, independence, and wisdom.
I am not that man yet, but the call is screaming through the void and though I want to run away I see the torch waiting to be lit. I will take it up and watch it burst into flames for…
“…fire is my blood.”