There is no other way to describe what I have done; to encapture the reason why the last year and a half has unfolded this way. I stared into the heart of the void that demanded my soul and said…no.
The void I speak of consisted of heartache and betrayal, years of destructive mindsets, a false gospel taught by well-meaning humans, and a false gospel taught by a few not-so-well-meaning humans.
I poured out everything I had to love others and sacrifice for their betterment. But as my ideals and strivings toward justice turned against me, I found myself at the end of my rope. I was drenched in an overwhelming, nonsensical sense of failure and shame that clung to any part of my soul that it could, and I nearly drowned. However…
At the moment of darkness…as the light began to close off and the world cave into nothingness, something sparked in me! I began to kick wildly against the drowning deep that was dragging me down; I reached up and found the hand of the Divine reaching out to me to bring me up out of the sea that threatened to swallow me.
As numbness stripped away at the touch of holiness, anger came bursting out of me. Anger at the injustice and the manipulation; anger that so much of my life had been filled with wanton, destructive spirituality and emotional ruin. I’ve been accused of losing my faith and drifting from Christianity. Yet it was the deepening of my faith and growing light of Christ in me that brought about this change.
The Light has been reignited in me and I will fight to keep it this time. No matter what the cost, I will not let it be snuffed out. I will be the strong, independent, and wise man that I crave to be because I know that my prayers have been heard and the darkness cannot strip me of sight. I will “rage…rage against the dying of the Light!”