Fire Burned beneath me as I clung to the rocks along the wall of the pit. I had to avoid the guards who were squabbling over god-knows-what. I slowly worked my way around the ledge of an arching doorway open out over the blaze when a dark voice began to speak to me; whispering taunts of doubt and telling me of the 7 demonic beasts waiting at the top of the tower. As the dark voice revealed to me that the beast where all “apprentices that I had failed,” my hand slipped! The sounds of dogs barking and a distant garbage truck ripped me from my sleep seconds before I could become food for the flames.
4:30 Blazed on my phone and I furiously fought to race back into the comfort of my dreams before my mind could solidify my awoken state, but it was too late. My subconscious capitalized on the doubts and anxieties instilled by my dreaming and sleep fled away into the shadows of the morning.
After an hour of warding off the darkness, I rolled out of bed and threw on my favourite clothes and hit the road. Walking is one of my greatest coping skills; subpar only to coffee and cheesecake in terms of soul care. Wish is why when I had reached three-quarters of my journey to the local coffee shop, my sandal strap gave way, and I finished my journey barefoot…yet content.
2018 has been the year of burning; of purging. A year ago, I was hanging on that proverbial ledge over the fire and the fears of failure screamed at me day-in and day-out. Now, here I stand stronger than ever. I look at my heart and see that the searing past beliefs have weakened to and will soon be nothing more than the occasional nightmare like the one I endured last night.
I am not necessarily a better person, and I don’t have all the answers to argue down the doubts every time they come to accuse, but my tenacity and got me through to a place of fortitude and strength that I have not had in a dreadfully long time. By no means do I believe that my “Dark Night of Soul” is coming to a dawn, but I have been ripped from the nightmare and I walk on through the long dark and look on with hope to the moment that I see those rays bursting over the horizon to chase away my demons and bring reprieve.
Glory be to God.