Carpe Noctem: A Promise

It is no secret that I have struggled with depression and anxiety for the majority of my life. From time to time I have even had to confront the dark face of death as the temptation of suicide waxed and waned through the seasons of my life.

Recently, I faced such a season as I was experiencing the adverse effect of having dropped my meds and life became more and more challenging. Once again, God has seen me through and I’ve landed on top.

10 months ago I sat in a car with my friend Matt. We were looking up various terms in Latin (I know I know…) and I came across one that really struck a chord: Carpe Noctem. It means “seize the night.”

That phrase has sat in my soul ever since. Seize the night…

What does that mean for me? It means to take every dark moment, every suffering and pain, and make them work for you. Make the most of your pain so that you can be the best version of you possible.

In about 30 min (sorry to drop this bomb on ya, Mom) I will be taking these words and sealing it upon my arm as a vow, a promise, to never stop fighting. After my hospitalization in February, I decided that I was going to finally commit to this tattoo on my forearm.

It is with severe intent and serious consideration that I make this move. From now and unto ages of ages I proclaim to God and to all of humanity that I will not stop fighting no matter how dark it gets. I won’t give in to dread, even if “the sun is faded and the moon is dead.”

Carpe Noctem,

Stephen

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