Needing that Cash Flow
Money. That dreadful substance that man worships. The mark of the Beast. The thing by which I pay my bills and purchase my freedom.
While I started a job last week as a barista, a couple weeks before I was on the financial struggle bus. As a result, I put myself on a couple freelance writing websites and a couple job search sites.
A few days after signing onto the freelance site, UpWork, I was sought out for a job!
I was given an invite to help write two books roughly 30k-50k words each and was offered a payment of $2000! It seemed like a dream come true; an answer to prayer!
After a brief dialogue with the patron, I quickly discerned the plot and nature of the books and I knew that it wasn’t God that came with the job offer.
The plots could be summarized by the term “god complex” and were essential much darker versions of “Honey, I shrunk the kids.” I had stumbled across stories like this on various sites for writers, and the demand for them on the market has been increasing substantially over the last several years.
So what was the problem? They were just books. They were weird stories about giants and their tiny friends/brothers who they suddenly felt empowered to lord over and enslave. It wasn’t like I would actually be hurting anyone…right?
A Moral Dilemma…
I was in need of money. I needed food. I have to take care of myself, don’t I? Of course I do! Yet I felt conviction in my soul. I knew these stories would be dark. I also knew that to write them with the quality I wanted I would have to go to dark places mentally to do so. And since writing poor quality stories was not an option, I was essentially committing to going to those dark places.
Furthermore, what affect was my writing going to have on others? Who would read my stories? Would they lean into the characters and find themselves feeding sadistic thoughts? Or would they feel stripped of value or power by identifying with the friend or brother being controlled by the whims of the giant in the story?
I wrestled with this for two days. I’m ashamed that it took me that long to even make that decision.
“Gain the world…lose your soul…”
I knew that the money wasn’t a good enough reason to take on a project that would have a negative effect on my soul, or on the souls of others. I chose to trust that GOd would see me through and take care of my needs instead of letting my greed lead me to compromise what I believe and promote thoughts and feelings that I have worked to fight against for the better of humanity.
I gave up significant pay and the reviews that I need to earn more jobs in writing, but I also didn’t lose myself.