Feeling Stagnate

In the Land of Lovers.

About a month ago I moved to the quaint little city of Roanoke, VA. Already the itch of restlessness has worked its way into my spine.

I want to move. I want to be going, exploring, and discovering. Yet, I know that my place is here and the craving to move is rooted in anxiety and the unending craving for self-discovery and for greater “purpose.”

My current job is good to me, and it’s relieving to be under the leadership rather than be the leader. Even more wonderful is having bosses that recognize my efforts and take the time to praise my abilities. It’s healing.

So why the desire to leave?

A friend of mine suggested that this is a common trait of our generation (millennials) and for the most part I agree, but I think I have something else tugging at me.

Anxiety. Fear that if I stay too long I’ll discover the truth.

And by “truth” I mean to say that I fear I will be rejected if people get too close. If I’m too much myself I’m going to be nothing more than an inconvenience. I’m already having this feeling in my current place of shelter. Maybe this is the underlying feeling that drives my generation to be job and city hopping all the time. It probably a part of why we struggle to have deep relationships and/or stable marriages.

Fighting to be Content

I am making great efforts to build a mindset of gratitude and contentment. I have a clear purpose right here where I am. The purpose is to heal and know God in ways I never have been able to before. My value is in my being Stephen Green, not in how much I’m suffering for the sake of others, whether it be monetary, emotionally, or otherwise.

Roanoke has a lot to offer me and, instead of running, I’m going to see exactly what that is.

Anxiety doesn’t win this round.

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